Apathy

If there is ever an announcement at your workplace, no matter what field you work in, wherein you are invited to join a committee of any kind and you are tempted to do so because of your (a) innate desire to be a part of something that promotes change, (b) need to inflict your overflowing opinions on others, or (c) desire to do anything else at work other than your normal work, then please heed the following: walk right up to the largest, meanest-looking, smelliest, scariest biker-dude (or manic soccer mom cranked up on her kid's ritalin, who just got cut off in traffic), and ask said monster to punch you as hard as possible in the gut so the impact forces your bowels to move themselves spontaneously, and you then find yourself doubled over for three straight days, after which you might try to walk upright, but only with a pronounced limp for another week. The latter choice, a blow to the gut, will be far less painful, far more rewarding, and on the flipside, you might have enough sick days to still have a job when all is said and done. The former, joining a committee, can only lead to prolonged agony and strained relations with not just your coworkers and fellow committeemen, but a greater distaste for those who make decisions about which the committee meets. Life is short -- committees are not.

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Are you a daydreamer, like me? Do you often find yourself snapping back to reality, unsure how much time has passed since you were last aware of your surroundings, and concerned what you might have done in your mental absence? Oh no, I hope I didn't fart, pick my nose, or dig my undies out of my buttcrack while I was staring out the window thinking nostalgically about all the Weebles I had as a child and how many hours and hours of entertainment they provided to me and my imaginary friends. Did I sing the Weebles song? No one is looking at me funny. Maybe I've just been sitting here quietly. One can hope. Do you daydream so often that you find yourself doing real things and wonder if you're really doing it or if you're daydreaming again? Do you do this most often when you're peeing? You know, worry that you're actually somewhere else, lifting up your skirt and wizzing in midair, daydreaming that you're in the bathroom? I hate when I pee and don't know for sure that I am where I think I am. Or did my mom do too much acid when she was pregnant with me and no one else thinks these things?

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Apathy = coffee. The other day, Marina learned the hard way that when she leaves the library in desperate need of some coffee, she needs to be more apathetic toward the world around her. When she was walking across the parking lot, she heard the distinct sound of a car being crunched by another car, looked up to see a man in a minivan look at the car he'd just backed into, then leave the scene of an accident. Standing there with her warm Hot Pocket in hand, about to get into her car to drive to the sweet release of her coffee beverage, she faced the moral dilemma of going back inside to report the hit-and-run, or just leave and get her coffee. Our dear, sweet Marina did the exact wrong thing, folks. Let this be a lesson to you, Boys and Girls, that a silly fender-bender in a parking lot can ruin your lunch and delay your coffee, which will RUIN YOUR DAY. Yes, she called the police, gave them what she knew and had a cold lunch, rushed, and coffee that couldn't alleviate the new level of frustration she was faced with.