Happy Trails

Tomorrow morning at 7 am I intend to leave for South Dakota, so why am I writing a blog post?

Because I can’t spend another second right now packing food, clothes, necessities, etc., and it’s raining so hard that I don’t feel like making trips to the car to get the car ready.

Okay, so it’s laziness. Fine. I admit it.

I had a bunch of things I wanted to say here in case I get eaten by a buffalo, which Marina reminds me won’t happen because they are grass-eaters, not people eaters. So, I threw in my concern that a buffalo could attack my car and I could die inside, but she insists they don’t attack Toyotas, only Fords. When I asked why, she had no idea, but said it was simply a well-known fact. I suggested perhaps they once drove Fords, and now, thanks to that experience, they not only don’t drive at all anymore, but they attack Fords. We agree this is the likely explanation. So, although it is improbably that a buffalo will kill me, a bighorn sheep might butt me right off the side of a cliff, and there’s no talking me out of that concern. It could totally happen.

If I die, I want to say the following things:

Don’t tell my ophthalmologist, but I’m going to be wearing my contacts the entire time I’m gone. I’ll bring my glasses as a backup, but those awful things will be in their case as long as I can stand it. Fuck the dryness – I need peripheral vision.

My biggest concern is that the 14 GB of memory I’m bringing with won’t be enough. Spaghetti Monster help me!

Last Friday I started taking a chemotherapy medication and spent late Friday night and all day Saturday feeling like I was seasick and had food poisoning all at once, with a heaping side of fever and exhaustion, and a bit of dehydration mixed in. I’ll be in the Badlands when I’m supposed to take my next dose, which will horribly ruin Custer State Park on Saturday, so fuck it, I’m not taking it. Just thought someone should know.

I got a hot plate. It looks like a mini-turntable and I will never admit to pretending to be a DJ and making vocal record-scratching noises and singing Run DMC songs while rubbing the disc. I won’t admit to any occasions in the future when I do this either.

When I told Ann I was going, she advised me not to bring makeup, any nice clothes, and not to be friendly to anyone. She also said that if a guy is staring at me or if anyone is creeping me out in any way, I should pick my nose. She cracks me up. I wonder if that will work on begging burros. I will try.

It excites me to no end that I expect to be somewhere that I will run into NO ONE I’ve ever met or encountered before. Total strangers. And it’s absolutely freeing. I can’t even explain.

I’m not packing a razor. My pits and legs will love me, but no one else will. It’ll be great.

I’m bringing junk food. Ramen noodles, peanut butter & jam, cookies, dark chocolate, and chips. I’m also bringing healthy foods like avocados, apples, low-cal bread and butter, yogurt, granola, nuts, and seeds. Any bets on what foods will still be in my food bags when I get home?

For lunch I took my car in for an overdue oil change and was told my serpentine belt needs to be replaced, but I told him to stick it, I didn’t have time or money for his stinking belt. Consider me officially jinxed.

One of my coworkers told me last week that this is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, which has been cause for celebration everyday since. I was certain I’ve done stupider things on a daily basis, but knowing that this is the stupidest makes me feel much better. I’m much smarter than I thought.

This could be the best Thanksgiving ever.

Those are my current thoughts. I suppose I should go back to packing now that I’ve gotten them out of my system. I may update the blog if anything noteworthy happens along the way, and of course, Leelu will be your new blogmistress if I get bighorn-sheep-butted off a cliff.

I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving!