Me: Is the janitor here yet?
Clerk: No...why?
Me: Uh, there's poo.
Clerk: Where?
Me: In the large stall of the washroom. Which is where it belongs, right? But no. Wrong. It's on the floor in front of the toilet. WHY? I don't know. You're so close! What happened?!
Clerk (snickering): That's terrible. Someone's going to have to clean it up, though.
Me: Who wants the poo? Because I can't do the poo. Not now. I'm on my way to lunch and I just can't do the poo.
Clerk: Maybe we can get the director to do the poo since it's Board Meeting Night.
Me: Can he do the poo?
Clerk: We should make him do the poo.
One of our coworkers walked by, a banished one from the bowels of Tech Services, who had no idea what we were talking about.
Me: Do YOU want to do the poo?
Techman: Um, no, sorry, not tonight. Maybe some other time. Thanks for asking, though.
I grabbed his arm and hugged him. You have to reward someone with gratitude if they're willing to play ball.
After lunch, I had the following IM conversation with Marina:
Marina: I just typed to Bri all excited about "male brownies"
Me: Um.
Me: Um.
Me: Um.
Marina: I meant malt brownies and mistope.
Me: LOL
Me: I was wondering.
Me: Were they bigger? Shaped in a certain way? Acting like assholes? What's up with the male brownies?
Marina: lol
Me: So, on the brown topic, I found poo in the women's washroom tonight. On the floor.
Me: In front of the toilet.
Marina: oh god
Me: Is that bad aim?
Marina: :(
Marina: I think it had to be intentional.
Me: Is that an emergency that was too emergent?
Marina: How else does it happen?
Me: Yeah, I know. It's not like you get drippage there.
Marina: oh god
Marina: What a horrible mental image.
Me: Yup. Butt drippage. And they left it behind for me to find in the washroom.
Marina: *shudder
Thankfully, I didn't have to do the poo. The brave clerk I reported the poo to did the poo. I wonder if our patrons know how much poo we do to keep them in a relatively poo-free zone here. And given the amount of poo we end up having to do, we should include that in the job description. It should be taught in library school. It should be on a sign on the door as you walk into the library.
3 comments:
What's wrong with me? All the fertile ground (hur hur) in this and I'm focused on the word "mistope."
I KNOW! Isn't that the best?! I was struck by that word, like I was "embiggen", and will have to adopt it as well.
What is wrong with your patrons? We have patrons, many patrons, and I can count on one (sanitary) hand the amount of poo incidents we've had in two decades. There was the poo in the book drop, the massive poo that would not go down the toilet, and the crazy lady who painted the bathroom walls with poop art. (She did it on an average of three times a month but I'm only counting it as one since the paintings were all the same...)
Oh, and there was a guy who travelled with plastic bags of his own poo and the stench was enough to knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.
Boy howdy, that is a lot of shit!
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