Typical FML Wednesday

1:32 PM: I just hung up the phone with Crazy Karen, who is so over-medicated today that she can barely slur a full sentence out, and it took 30 minutes to get her off the phone, though she only had one question, asked repeatedly.

2:14 PM: There's a middle-aged, balding man sitting at a computer 5 feet away from me, and he keeps asking me questions. That's not a problem. The problem is that his nose is running directly down his upper lip into his mouth, and he keeps pausing in the middle of talking to me to lick the mucus on his lip.

2:15 PM: Next to him is quite possibly the snottiest grown man I've ever met. If he throws one more hissy fit, I'm going to call him "Ma'am" and ask him if it's that time of the month.

2:20 PM: Behind me is a man my age and his disabled, elderly mother, and he keeps yelling at me from the other side of the library to come and help him with a government website that is down, which I have no ability to fix. He doesn't seem to understand that when this site states that "the website is currently down", it is not my fault.

2:23 PM: The snotty grown man I mentioned just threw another fit when his time ran out, furious that the item he sent to the printer didn't show up (although I was vaguely aware of him printing it moments ago, but I could be wrong), and when I offered to reserve a computer for him again, he stomped his foot and insisted he couldn't wait his turn for the next available terminal because he had to leave right away. I'm going to put him on a computer myself just to get him out of my hair.

2:45 PM: For more years than I can count, I've been looking for blue leather boots, and over the weekend I found a pair at an expensive shoe store, where they were having a gigantic clearance sale, so my $80 boots only cost $29. I could not wait to wear them and today I found some clothes that matched, so I'm wearing these awesome blue boots, which are made far better than any shoes I've been able to afford in years, if not decades. They're made so well that the patrons are now glaring at me because whenever I get up to show someone something, the hard soles of my boots clunk hard on the floor, loud enough to draw glares. Apparently my awesome boots are offensive because they disturb folks from surfing porn in relative peace. Where are the shoe fetishists when I need them?

3:04 PM: I just realized the snotty grown man has been sitting at the computer I gave him for almost 45 minutes and hasn't printed the item he needed immediately because he had to leave and couldn't wait 10 minutes for the next reservation. I'm thinking about ending his session but it's almost over anyway.

3:07 PM: Snotty Grown Man just left the library without printing the item he so desperately needed that required me to put him on a computer instead of waiting his fair turn. He's dead to me now.

3:12 PM: There's a lady standing in front of me, smiling and staring me right in the eyes, completely unable to remember what she came here for, and she won't break her stare or come back when she remembers -- because I have suggested this. Instead, she feels that standing 3 feet away and boring holes into my head with her laser vision will make her remember better. This could be less painful if not for her strangely blissful smile.

3:41 PM: A teenage girl is crying because she had no idea what "maiden name" meant on a college application so she put down her mother's name, and is now concerned that this is going to keep her from getting into college. She is inconsolable. I'm out of Kleenex.

4:38 PM: The director is walking away from me, having just inquired about my sore elbows and knees. When I showed him my elbow's still raw state, he laughed really hard. I wonder how hard he'd laugh if he read yesterday's post. Knowing him, he'd be pretty pleased.

5:00 PM: Reference desk shift is over and another Wednesday of crazy patrons and madness is behind me. It's awful that there are only 6 days in between for a reprieve.