Makes Mouths Happy

Via IM today

Leelu: Water is better when you drink it through a Twizzler.

Me: But Twizzlers are not better when they've been submerged in water.
Me: They get slimy on the outsides.

Leelu: That's why you drink a little, eat a little, and repeat until the straw is pointless.

Me: I see.
Me: Very cold drinks tend to melt the licorice slower.
Me: Ice, for example, seems to prolong the life of the Twizzler.

Leelu: And I'm drinking heavily iced water.
Leelu: It actually made the Twizzler tougher to eat.

Me: Then you are maximizing your Twizzler/water experience.

Leelu: I am.

Me: Yes, that's true too, but then you can refill the water and enjoy longer.
Me: You know what's good?! Jell-O through a straw. And now that you mention this, I'm wondering if Jell-O through a Twizzler would be awesome.

Leelu: Twizzler openings are so small, though. I don't know if you'd be able to do it.

Me: Don't they make big ones?
Me: Size queen, you know.

Leelu: Do they?
Leelu: I'm not a Twizzler fan, so I'm uncertain.
Leelu: (I do know. And I love you for it.)

Me: I dunno.
Me: You do, and you do?
Me: Oh, size queeniness.

Leelu: Yus.

Me: Well, it seems we need to do some Twizzler experimentation.
Me: I could pose the question on FB.
Me: See if we have experienced friends.
Me: Or the blog.

Leelu: (lol)

Me: (more readers)
Me: :)
Me: We need to know the extents and limitations of using Twizzlers as straws for food items.
Me: NEED TO KNOW

Leelu: Ask away, my love! I eagerly await the collective voice of your experienced readership.

Me: I shall. I'm sending myself an email reminder to post it tonight.

Leelu: Hehe.

Me: And...
Me: no one will respond.
Me: :(

Leelu: :(
Leelu: *hugs*

Me: Heh, thanks.
Me: The only time I ever got lots of good feedback was when I posed a question and asked people how they met and came to love someone.
Me: Those were good.

Leelu: Those were good.

Me: Otherwise... much silence from the peanut gallery.

Leelu: I think you have to ask questions people are willing to answer.

Me: Sigh
Me: Twizzlers should be one of those questions!
Me: *slams fist*
Me: It's important!

Leelu: But others don't realize that; they're so absorbed in the trivialities of life that they miss the genuinely meaningful things.

Me: So true.
Me: Sigh.
Me: What's with people talking about politics, religion, natural disasters, hunger, etc.?!
Me: TWIZZLERS!
Me: C'mon!
Me: Priorities, people!

Leelu: Well, Twizzlers and hunger are related...

Me: Oooh
Me: Good tie-in.
Me: It can be a religion for some

Leelu: And they should be a religion...
Leelu: (lol)
Leelu: Clone!

Me: :D
Me: Politics of proper licorice usage is up.
Me: For discussion, that is.
Me: And it could be a natural disaster if you used it for, say, coffee!
Me: OMG.
Me: I hit them all!
Me: People HAVE to respond.

Leelu: I don't know. Coffee needs sugar. I can only see Twizzlers helping coffee.

Me: Coffee would eat it quicker.
Me: And warm Twizzler in coffee would be kinda gross, I'd think.

Leelu: Twizzler milk!

Me: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH MILK!
Me: Oh, man, you have just created a delightful goal for me.
Me: And you know, licorice comes in many flavors now.
Me: Imagine a nice orange Twizzler with milk would almost be like a creamsicle.
Me: DUDE, I WANT ONE!
Me: (You know I'm going to have to c&p this verbatim to the blog, because we rock like that)

Leelu: Iced coffee.
Leelu: Don't you love it when we write your blog posts together?

Me: It's always better with a partner.
Me: Sometimes my fingers get tired alone.

Leelu: Sometimes more than one.

Me: I need to try that.

Leelu: I highly recommend it at least once.

Me: How many times would you recommend it if you weren't limiting yourself?

Leelu: As many as you wished.

Me: Heh. So, collaborating on blog posts is something you would like to do more often?

Leelu: (lol)
Leelu: Only when/if I have something to say.

Me: Do you have people you PREFER to collaborate with?

Leelu: (I completely forgot what we were talking about, too.)

Me: I know. We derail into our metaphors and then it becomes about the other thing.
Me: I was trying to drag them both into it parallelly.
Me: Is parallelly a word?
Me: I like it.
Me: Anything that says lelly sounds happy.
Me: genocidelelly.
Me: See?!

Leelu: Happy happy genocide!

Me: WHEEEEEEEEE!

Leelu: Should we start a kickline?
Leelu: "It's springtime for Hitler and Germany!"

Me: My skirt is too short.

Leelu: Isn't that how they're supposed to be?

Me: But I have on my plain-jane panties. I only kickline in short skirts when I wear the frilly stuff.
Me: Frilillelly.
Me: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Leelu: Oodelolly oodelolly golly what a day!

Me: Beck?
Me: A Beck kickline? With frilly panties and genocide?
Me: WE SHOULD WRITE A MUSICAL!
Me: OMG, can you tell I've had caffeine for the first time in months?

Leelu: Beck?
Leelu: I was going for Disney Robin Hood.

Me: Beck's album was Odeley.
Me: Odelay
Me: Oops.
Me: Oopsililly.

Leelu: I'm sure it's a word in the Becktionary.

Me: Disney Robin Hood, huh? You're such a mom.

Leelu: Haven't seen it in years.
Leelu: Lummox likes it, though.

Me: I'm looking forward to the new Robin Hood.

Leelu: Any reason in particular?

Me: RUSSELL CROWE!
Me: *slurp*
Me: I'd suck him through a Twizzler.
Me: Hmm, that doesn't sound flattering to him.
Me: Maybe I should take that back.

Leelu: (lol)

Me: I do so love that man in period piece movies looking tough.
Me: Although he was super-dee-duper hot in the other one, where he played the gay son.

Leelu: Which one was that?

Me: The Sum of Us.
Me: OMG, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT!
Me: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111309/.

Leelu: Wow. That totally looks like not my kind of movie.

Me: But, but, but.
Me: Gay love story!

Leelu: Mushy family flick.

Me: Sigh...
Me: Hot guys kissing!

Leelu: Romance, not porn.

Me: Okay, if you're not going to see it, I'll ruin it for you.

Leelu: Okay.

Here I blather about the movie, which I won't ruin for you, so watch it!

Me: It's really sad. You get the thoughts of both characters.
Me: And Russell Crowe plays this bumbling, love-sick, awkward guy.
Me: It's totally out of his usual roles.

Leelu: That's always nice.
Leelu: It's good to see actors stretch themselves.

Me: He did it after he played a ruthless skinhead, because he felt so awful about that horrible character.
Me: He felt it was redeeming.
Me: *swoon*

Leelu: Heh.

Me: So, I'm hoping they put him in leather miniskirts again for Robin Hood, like Gladiator.

Leelu: (lol)
Leelu: You delightful perv!
Leelu: We're totally clones.

Me: HORRAY!

Leelu: Why won't they leave me alone?
Leelu: Patrons won't let me have fiend time!

Me: Beat them with a frozen Twizzler!
Me: Whip!
Me: Send them home with Twizzled lashes on their foreheads!
Me: Dear FSM, that makes me laugh.

Leelu: Foreheads?
Leelu: I'll get them on their legs.

Me: Okay then. I just thought it would be more humiliating.
Me: Like a mushroom stamp.

Leelu: Leave marks where they don't show. It's the only way to abuse.

Me: You can abuse better with words then.
Me: The point of Twizzling someone is to leave a Twizzled mark.

Leelu: What a waste of Twizzle.

Me: How so?
Me: By exposing it to the germy flesh of your enemies?
Me: Making it inedible?

Leelu: Yes.

Me: Hmmm.
Me: Buy in bulk.

Leelu: I hate to waste food, regardless.

Me: Okay. So can we design Twizzler whips that aren't food?

Leelu: Then they aren't Twizzlers, are they?

Me: Should we just be using regular whips? Do Twizzlers add to anything?
Me: So, Twizzlers are food, not weapons. Weapons are weapons, not food.

Leelu: Except in food fights.
Leelu: Hot mashed potatoes are organic napalm.

Me: A vegetable defoliant. Interesting.
Me: Full Metal Jacket: I love the smell of hot mashed potatoes in the morning.
Me: Yes, perfect substitute.
Me: Wait, that was Platoon.
Me: Sorry.

Leelu: Apocalypse Now, wasn't it?

Me: OH YEAH!
Me: Thanks.

Leelu: I'm awesome at quoting movies I've never seen.

Me: LOL
Me: That takes talent.

Leelu: I do try.

So, the question remains and we pose it to you. Twizzlers as straws for what? What can we suck through a Twizzler? I'm serious. I need info.