Questions

Why is it so pathetically amusing to me when I see someone with a band-aid on her face? Our faces are so visible, somewhat fragile, wholly us, and yet, if a woman slaps a band-aid (not a bandage) over her cheek, I will expend all my effort trying not to let my face make that look that says OMG-WTF-Loser! And, of course, I laugh when the person is out of sight. It makes little sense to me, but it is something I’ll never overcome. No band-aids on the face.

What do you do when, right before your eyes, a patron signs his own name and then forges a signature of someone else on a document, and then asks you to fax it? AND, what if you happen to see that it is a power of attorney document that you are faxing to an attorney? I did nothing, but it bothers me. Part of me thinks that documents like that should be notarized, but if the person you need power of attorney over is non-ambulatory, then what? The whole thing reeks. And now, when he comes into the library, I think he’s scummy and don’t give him any genuine smiles or laughs. Not much of a punishment for forgery, but it’s all I got.

Why don’t they write rock songs that about having a bood-sucking mother? If Theory of a Deadman could edit this song and add that little complaint to their long list, it would be my new theme song. I had a particularly bad week this week and found myself humming this song on numerous occasions. Every time someone pissed me off, which was fairly constant, my brain would sing to me, “So if you're pissed like me/Bitches, here's what you gotta do/Put your middle fingers up in the air/Go on and say ‘Fuck you!’” Let me tell you, I sat quietly at my desk a number of times, fists balled up in my lap with one finger protruding in passionate defiance. At home, that finger came flying up each time my mom’s back was turned. It’s gotten a lot of use this week.

Why is nothing ever as good as it is in the salon? I visited Megan recently for another haircut (with the secondary intention of mentioning many times that I have a boyfriend and am not in love with her) and she used a new product on my hair that smelled so good, I spent the day trying to sniff my hair as often as possible. I already use the expensive salon shampoo she uses, so when she added this mousse, I thought I could get my hair to smell like that all the time if I just use that mousse as well. So not the case. $20 and 10 days later, my mousse arrived, but it doesn’t have the same intoxicating smell as it did in the salon. So if you see me sniffing my hair and frowning, this is why.

How is it the South Park guys get away with what they do? Tonight I watched an episode about the Jonas Brothers and I laughed so hard I almost threw up. It was so crass and so hilarious, and yet so poignant, as always. Part of me is amazed this is on television and the other part thinks they should be sweeping the Emmys. Did anyone else see that episode? I’d just had a conversation with my brother about how they can’t shock us when they make movies anymore, and then I watched little a girl pull down her pants and hump the arm of the chair while watching the Jonas boys perform, later to be outdone by another concert scene where…never mind. I can’t even say. GO WATCH IT!

Why am I still awake? It’s 1 a.m. and I have an 8-hour all-staff meeting at work tomorrow, where I will need a decent night of sleep behind me to keep from dozing off in the world’s most uncomfortable chairs. This is punishment, surely, but I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it.