Thursday, September 11, 2008

When I Am Old, I'll Still Have Blue Hair

When did I turn 80 years old? I don’t remember turning 36, but suddenly I’m a decrepit woman who is looking back on her youth with vague recollection and a sense of something lost.

Marina and I were talking the other day about the fact that we’re both coupon-clippers and go to craft fairs.

Honorary elderly.

On top of that, we prefer making stuff to buying stuff. Clothes, food, jewelry, anything. From scratch. By hand. With aprons.

How is it possible we’re this old already?

We made plans for this weekend with Ann, but we have to get moving early so we can be home early, because we get tired.

I jokingly suggested that we should get to bed early Saturday after our shopping spree so we can go to bingo on Sunday.

Marina said, “Oh! I like bingo!”

Someone put us in a home. Take away our drivers licenses and put some diapers on us. Bathe us in Ben-gay and give us housedresses to wear so our fragile, un-elastic skin doesn’t chafe. We shall never wear shoes again – it’s strictly soft slip-ons so we don’t have to bend over. Zippers are a thing of the past. As are tampons, makeup, and thongs.

You know, maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

4 comments:

annie said...

Wait till the facial hair hits.

Anonymous said...

I am 53 and no facial hair.
I do not miss my period--keep the tampons.
I do buy comfortable shoes since in my youth I wore three inch heels and now I value comfort.
I no longer have to suffer assholes since I can be cranky and that is OK.
I am more patient and the time clock in my head is less shrill--it gets done when it gets done.
I work smarter not harder.
I did the best I could with my kids--their lives are now belong to them since I am no longer responsible, though still interested.
Grand kids are grand creatures and I enjoy buying toys, video games, and unhealthy (but tasty) treats.
I do not play bingo.
I do not own an apron.
I am invisible to men as a trophy female so now we can be friends.
I regret nothing since I really enjoyed my youth.
All in all, this ain't a bad gig.

Totallyscrappy said...

My cousin and I used to say that we would know we were old when we were sporting polyester pants and the tile shoes that my grandma wore. (Anybody else remember the sandals that had little square tiles across the toe?)

Gardenbuzzy said...

I'm right where you are, anonymous. Same age, same everything except I do own an apron, I just don't wear it. Don't cook as much as I did when the kids were at home. Now it's just Hubby and me and we just grab what falls out of the fridge at night. We're waiting on our first grandbaby, a girl, named Magnolia, to be called Maggie. We can hardly wait.