Poor Ann has been suffering from Man Woes, and she wrote me an email complaining about something awful her ex had done, and she used the F-word. I was aghast! Of course, she didn’t actually utter the word, but putting it into an email was still far beyond anything I’d ever experienced with her, so I made plans to get together with her, because she clearly was distraught.
As news of my Mom Woes got out, Marina emailed me and wanted to see me for hugs, so I mentioned that I was meeting Ann late that night and invited her along. But I warned her that The New Ann was going, and she had a potty mouth.
Marina immediately shot back that this was not OUR Ann, but a pod person, and Marina insisted on accompanying us because I was surely in need of backup dealing with this impostor.
It’s always good to have friends who know how to make me laugh when I’m putting my mom in an asylum.
So we three went to Applebee’s for a late meal before they closed.
After unloading our Woes, both Man and Mom, Ann announced that she was doing a storytime about ice cream, to the tune of “On Top of Old Smokey.”
To show us how the song would go, she sang the substituted lyrics to us.
- ♫ On top of my ice cream,
All covered with fudge,
I lost my first cherry-- ♫
And before she got the entire line out of her mouth, Marina’s head turned into a beet and began to shake. She was laughing so hard that she actually turned redder than when she sunburned herself into a lobster.
Dude, the only thing funnier than Ann dropping the F-bomb, is Ann singing about losing her cherry.
Of course, she threw something at Marina and insisted that this program was for little kids, so there would be no laughing and snickering at her lyrics, but I reminded her that parents would be in the room too, and I wished her luck not putting them into vomiting laughter.
She suggested that maybe she’d change “cherry” to “sprinkle”.
Uh-huh. Maybe that’s a good idea.
Hopefully Ann didn’t walk away feeling worse after we made fun of her. I sure hope not. Because, seriously, the only reason we laughed is because she’s our golden child and it was completely insane to imagine her doing these things.
Perhaps the only thing that might have cheered me up after my mom tried to kill herself with 76 Xanax was exactly what happened last night, and for that I’m forever grateful to Ann and Marina.