Sunday, November 23, 2008

THAT BITCH!

All these years I thought the Statue of Liberty was just another statue, perhaps significant to some, but likely more of a gigantic symbol of our hypocrisy lately, given how our attitude toward immigration has changed so much. Once upon a time she was a precious and beloved lady, but I have come to realize the wench’s true agenda.

You see, that bitch is no ordinary woman. She is an old-school librarian.

How do I know? Let me tell you.

Do you see the spikey crown she wears upon her big, green head? It is the exploded remains of a librarian’s bun. Look closely. She holds tight a book in one hand and a torch in the other. Hmmm, coincidence? I THINK NOT! Long, unflattering dress down to her ankles? Comfortable shoes? Stiff features? Vacant stare? That’s a librarian! Not just any librarian, but an old-school librarian! BLUGH! Look at her! She was made for another era, the Wild West years, when women couldn’t vote, children worked in factories, we only had 38 states, if you were lucky you had a horse to get you around, the railroads were just getting powerful, and the telegraph had become the preferred method of communication, ridding the need of the “snail mail” Pony Express. Seriously, folks, she could not possibly understand our times.

You may THINK you know the Lady Liberty, but you’d be wrong.

The quote she silently utters, which we are all so giddy about, is a fa├žade, not unlike her own appearance! There is a second inscription, visible only if you are inebriated, chemically altered, have had a lobotomy, cannot read, refuse to read, or other such disability that alters your perception from the norm. Here is what it reads to those people.

    Statue of Library:

    Give me your technophobes, your uneducable,
    Your undisciplined teens yearning to be punks,
    The severe social misfits and mentally unstable.
    Send these, the illiterate, and bar-tossed drunks.
    I live to serve the completely unable.


That ho-bag has a subliminal message, which she has been doling out for over 100 years!

So, you tell me, is the Statue of Liberty cursing us, or did she come from a much more generous time? Or was this a ploy by the French to quietly do us in? Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but that quote seems to be a message received loud and clear by those it is addressing, and they have been obeying for a long, long time. Explains much, doesn’t it? Finally, it has all become clear. When we wonder where the weirdoes are coming from, we can now sigh and nod knowingly. Lady Liberty invited them.

8 comments:

Kate P said...

I think you just blew my mind--you've discovered the Lady Liberty Code. Have you thought about mentioning this to the ALA?

Happy Villain said...

I think I actually just exhibited my own frayed mind and I'm thinking of contacting the AMA instead. :)

Rachel said...

Wow, I never thought about that, but it seems so true! I especially love her "actual" phrase, "I live to serve the completely unable."
That is our job.

Dances With Books said...

Dang, so that explains those folks that show up (or drag themselves drunk or high) at our libraries. So is there also a subliminal code to that library message in Mass. or wherever the heck, the one about the need for an informed citizenry and a library? I am thinking if you look at it with a UV lamp, you get the real code. Anyhow, I am framing this one. And I am not looking at Lady Liberty the same ever.

Virtua said...

OK, I used to find that bitch inspiring.....

Leelu said...

I found a Photoshopped image once that I really couldn't decide whether it was hilarious or disturbing. It was Lady Liberty kissing Blind Justice. Perhaps the message lies in the confusion, and what you get is Blind Liberty?

Leelu said...

Found it!

As far as Rule 34 goes, this is actually quite tasteful.

Happy Villain said...

Leelu:
Oh, that's awesome. Who knew those chicks had the hots for one another? I can see now why I feel they both screw us over quite often. The Scales of Justice suddenly seem to need a boob in each and possibly a Liberty Torch inserted... never mind. I'll just go back to shopping on Amazon for innocent things and accidentally finding sex toys.