Monday, June 22, 2009

Idiot Prints

Patron: I need to use a computer. Can I just go over there and make a reservation?

Me: Sure. Do you know how to do that?

Patron: Yeah, I think so.

Me: Okay.

I turned around and went back to what I was doing. About a minute later she yelled to me from the reservation station.

Patron: It won’t give me my reservation!

Me: It will. You have to click to accept the reservation and it will print all that out for you.

Patron: I did! I clicked the button over and over, but it won’t print out.

With that, she took her index finger and pressed the LCD monitor hard, so hard that I could see the rainbow effect of her killing millions of microscopic bioluminescent organisms that light up a monitor. (Yeah-huh, that’s how they work!)

Me: No, CLICK it.

Patron: I AM!

Me: NO, click with the MOUSE.

Patron: Oh.

Now, this wouldn’t be such a huge surprise if there weren’t multiple steps before this that required her to use the mouse, so why she decided suddenly that the mouse was obsolete and she was now supposed to press the LCD monitor with her finger, I don’t know. She’s not that bright. I blame it on the fact that she’s a vegetarian – she now has the brain of a potato.

I think she was the lady who was ahead of me at Wendy’s long ago, and she was yelling at the pre-menu in the drive-thru lane, which had no speaker to converse with, and when they never answered her, she reached through her window and started pressing her hand against the little menu stuck into the ground with steel dowels, as if it was a touch screen drive-thru.

Why do people think that everything is a touch screen now? Even things that they’ve seen over and over for years and years have suddenly started to confuse them, all because when they pay by plastic, there is a touch screen they have to touch and sign at most stores. These credit card machines have thrown the world for a loop! When did Internet chain-email go out to all the idiots on earth telling them that whenever there was a choice to make, it was a touch screen choice? Is this why books aren’t popular anymore? Do people take them home and push the little number in the bottom right corner of the page, expecting it to flip itself? How frustrating the world must be to them!

Now I know why our monitors are all covered in fingerprints. Idiot prints, I mean.

5 comments:

Debbie said...

Thank you - that was awesome! At our library, the reservation station is just like yours, but with no printer - they have to write their computer # and time down with the pencils and paper we provide. You can imagine what that means.

Lummox said...

You guys shouldn't make it so hard to use then. Of course if you used your mouse up until then, you would be required to use your finger to print it. Silly really. I mean, it's common knowledge.
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Am I gonna die now?

Anonymous said...

I'm a vegetarian and I think of myself more of an onion instead of a potato.

Happy Villain said...

Debbie:
Oh man, that must just drive you nuts. Either they're too stupid to write it down and click out of the screen, or they do it wrong. I'll be more grateful today to have my own semi-functional reservation system, thanks.

Lummox:
NO! We should keep it complicated, because as I tell Boyfriend Extraordinaire frequently, as soon as they figure out how to use computers on their own, my job is obsolete.

Anon:
Oh, that's deep. I'm a meateater and likely I have a chicken brain now, so you're much better off.

Kate P said...

I have that problem at the bookstore when I go from the cash registers (touch screen) to the information desk (mouse). It's easy to go on automatic pilot.

But don't get me started on how nobody in the library seems to understand how to print anything.