Thursday, November 19, 2009

Apathy

If there is ever an announcement at your workplace, no matter what field you work in, wherein you are invited to join a committee of any kind and you are tempted to do so because of your (a) innate desire to be a part of something that promotes change, (b) need to inflict your overflowing opinions on others, or (c) desire to do anything else at work other than your normal work, then please heed the following: walk right up to the largest, meanest-looking, smelliest, scariest biker-dude (or manic soccer mom cranked up on her kid's ritalin, who just got cut off in traffic), and ask said monster to punch you as hard as possible in the gut so the impact forces your bowels to move themselves spontaneously, and you then find yourself doubled over for three straight days, after which you might try to walk upright, but only with a pronounced limp for another week. The latter choice, a blow to the gut, will be far less painful, far more rewarding, and on the flipside, you might have enough sick days to still have a job when all is said and done. The former, joining a committee, can only lead to prolonged agony and strained relations with not just your coworkers and fellow committeemen, but a greater distaste for those who make decisions about which the committee meets. Life is short -- committees are not.

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Are you a daydreamer, like me? Do you often find yourself snapping back to reality, unsure how much time has passed since you were last aware of your surroundings, and concerned what you might have done in your mental absence? Oh no, I hope I didn't fart, pick my nose, or dig my undies out of my buttcrack while I was staring out the window thinking nostalgically about all the Weebles I had as a child and how many hours and hours of entertainment they provided to me and my imaginary friends. Did I sing the Weebles song? No one is looking at me funny. Maybe I've just been sitting here quietly. One can hope. Do you daydream so often that you find yourself doing real things and wonder if you're really doing it or if you're daydreaming again? Do you do this most often when you're peeing? You know, worry that you're actually somewhere else, lifting up your skirt and wizzing in midair, daydreaming that you're in the bathroom? I hate when I pee and don't know for sure that I am where I think I am. Or did my mom do too much acid when she was pregnant with me and no one else thinks these things?

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Apathy = coffee. The other day, Marina learned the hard way that when she leaves the library in desperate need of some coffee, she needs to be more apathetic toward the world around her. When she was walking across the parking lot, she heard the distinct sound of a car being crunched by another car, looked up to see a man in a minivan look at the car he'd just backed into, then leave the scene of an accident. Standing there with her warm Hot Pocket in hand, about to get into her car to drive to the sweet release of her coffee beverage, she faced the moral dilemma of going back inside to report the hit-and-run, or just leave and get her coffee. Our dear, sweet Marina did the exact wrong thing, folks. Let this be a lesson to you, Boys and Girls, that a silly fender-bender in a parking lot can ruin your lunch and delay your coffee, which will RUIN YOUR DAY. Yes, she called the police, gave them what she knew and had a cold lunch, rushed, and coffee that couldn't alleviate the new level of frustration she was faced with.

6 comments:

Lummox said...

Actually, Leelu and myself had a similar incident to Marina. We were out eating at the Blue Koi (one of our favorite restaurants) and were enjoying our dumplings and soup, when a guy came out across the street, got in his car and backed into a car behind him. This was bad enough, but then he pulled forward and backed into it again, but harder, and then drove off. We got the basic description and Leelu got the license plate number, but we didn't call the cops, we ate our lunch, waiting to get up and run out to catch the owner of the hit car when they got in and give him the info and ours. Well, we were done eating and were waiting for the check when the guy at the next table (too far from the window to see what happened and too engrossed in his iPhone to have heard us commenting about the hit car to the waitress) gets up and goes out to the hit car. I ran out and stopped him and he started to get mad and drive off, but he rolled down his window and I explained the situation. the good news is, his plastic bumper showed no damage, but we gave him the info anyway. Haven't heard about it since, so I'm guessing nothing came of it. :D We hope.

Debbie said...

I occasionally daydream while I'm driving, finding myself almost home without being able to remember actually driving there. I've never had an accident while daydreaming, or gone the wrong way, but it does make me wonder.

Anonymous said...

I work in a theology library so biker dudes are thin on the ground...but surely surely I can find someone willing to punch me in the guts. I loathe committees and meetings. Good plan :-). But it doesn't work if you are "volunteered" for a committe and it's sold to you as a empowering and career advancing move (Pah! As if I care). But the real reason you are volunteered for it is because the director has run out of drones. I'm currently on such a committee and I'm doing my best to get thrown off it by staring at everyone with glazed eyes and open mouth and saying "huh" to every question directed at me. I think it's working.

grayjaydeb said...

Well you know what they say... put three librarians in a room and there are four committees...

Anonymous said...

Not for me--I don't join nuthin' since nuthin' gets done with committees. We've had party committees, clean up committees, holiday decorating committees, and it's the same old hacks that plan parties, clean, decorate--good for them since they found their place in the world. This is not my place, and not yours either it seems.
I daydream about retirement but will get involved in the rare emergency unless it's mandated I have to form a committee to do so. If that's the case, pillage at will.

Rachel said...

I've always had a hard time telling Reality from dreams ^.^
I daydream constantly <3 and like Debbie said, I too daydream while driving and not even realize I've gone somewhere >.< Mostly it's on my way home when I'm tired.