Wednesday, January 13, 2010


From: Happy Villain
To: Bro
Subject: Author Visit

I know I'm a liberry-ian and all, but I'm having a brain fart. We have a budget of $8 [typo] to have an author come to our library for a visit and we're supposed to make suggestions, to be voted upon by the patrons, and I can't come up with anyone good. Can you think of an author (seriously, anyone) who would be cool to have come to this area? Anyone you'd like to see? They're tossing around names like Dan Brown, Neil Gaiman, Janet Evanovich, etc. All bestselling authors. Think of anybody, let me know.

From: Bro
To: Happy Villain
Subject: Re: Author Visit

8 WHOLE DOLLARS! Damn library must be selling drugs out the back door or something. With that you can buy an ouija board and have any of the dead authors speak there. Well, that is if you have anything left in the budget for candles. The creepy teens will just appear though. You don't have to buy those.

When I got home, we continued the conversation.

Me: That was hilarious. We SHOULD do an author séance and save the money!

Bro: So many more authors to choose from! And you could do a bunch. Make it a series.

Me: And I’m sure we have the requisite amount of emo kids to make it look legit. Wait! Are you a real emo kid or an impostor with your hair all covering your face like that? There’s something off about you!

Bro: C’mere! Is that hair, or is that a wig!? WAIT A MINUTE! That’s a MOP! We won’t take any fake emo kids at our séance!

Me: We’d only be able to communicate with fake authors then! Who would the Milli Vanilli of dead authors be?

Bro: Hmmm, I don’t know. That is why you cannot have any fake emo kids.

And thus, another important discussion in my family goes the way of complete delirium. We blame it on my mom’s mental health issues and what that’s done to us.


Leelu said...

There are those who would argue the Milli Vanilli of authors is William Shakespeare, but my money's on Homer.


Anonymous said...

Channel the following dead guys, if you can-Eugene Izzy & Mike Royko
but book Robyn Okrant, author of Living Oprah: My One-Year Experiment to Walk the Walk of the Queen of Talk
since we can all use more religion-Hail Oprah, full of grace......

Lummox said...

Leelu: When did the Simpsons write a book?