Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Pre Vacation Freakishness

My vacation is just 3½ days away and I’m panicking. Part of it is because I only have enough money to cover the motel room for the week we’re there, and the gas to get us there and back. That’s it. We’re going to have to raid my refrigerator and pantry for food we can bring and microwave in the room, because we can’t even buy Subway’s $5 foot-longs for sustenance while we’re there. There will be no souvenirs, no rides on boats, no romantic dinners, no paid parking spots, no smooshed penny machines, and absolutely no driving around town more than necessary. There is no wiggle room. There is simply no money.

Another part of the panic is that I’m still not feeling well, and while many of my medication side effects have waned, I’m experiencing new ones that are pissing me off something awful. My muscles are getting weaker and weaker, to the point where my arms tremble and threaten to give up when I brush my teeth. It takes an hour to blow dry my hair because I can’t turn my brush through my hair more than three times before my wrist feels as if I’ve been kneading dense dough all morning. Walking up the 13 stairs of my house makes my thighs shake with frailty, and recently I’ve started having lower back pain, which I’ve never had in my life. I can’t do dishes, I can’t stand for any length of time, and sleeping is not something that comes easily anymore. Today the pain in the backs of my shoulder blades started, and no matter how much I massaged the muscles, it would not go away.

So, what exactly can I do on vacation without money, and with muscles that are burning and so weak that I can’t even walk up a flight of stairs anymore?

It’s freaking me out!

But, I will not let this stop me! Foliage color reports are predicting peak color in the Hiawatha National Forest to be this upcoming weekend and next week. I gambled and picked the perfect week to go! And since the we’re entering into a depression, the likes of which we haven’t seen in almost a century, I don’t know if I’ll ever get up there again. Plus, I just went to the store to buy something utterly essential, knowing I had very little money in the bank, and the total came to $3.01, but my debit card was denied for insufficient funds. THAT’S humiliating. Then I opened my wallet and thought I only had two singles, one for a Coke for each day at work for lunch until we get paid on Thursday, but there was an extra dollar and I was able to pay for my purchase with cash. THAT’S a sign! A sign from where or whom, I don’t know, but if a magical dollar can appear in my wallet when I need it, I can conclude with confidence that magical dollars can appear in my wallet in the future as well. I believe in magical dollars. You know? Like the kind they print up that have absolutely no basis whatsoever on anything but faith in the monetary system. Like magical dollars that will bail out our banks, who have been cheating and conniving and lying for so long that it’s finally catching up to them, and suddenly there’s squillions of dollars to help them out of this crisis. Magical dollars are everywhere. Let’s just hope that the American people keep believing in them too, or pretty soon we’ll have our own tulip mania, only ours will be called dollar mania.

And what this all boils down to is that I shun the signs telling me to stay home and save my money, which is scarce enough, and choose to go far away, draining all my savings and remaining open credit, all for some colorful leaves.

Sometimes, when I think about it that way, it freaks me out. So I try not to.

But the day wasn’t a total downer.

I’m working on improving our dog book collection, and Marina suggested I find books on the unofficial poodle mixed breeds that are popular, like goldendoodles and schnoodles.

Let me first say that I cannot say shih tzu without giggling. Then I started reading some of the other poodle combinations and I was in hysterics.

    Do you havapoo?

    Do you affenpoo?

    Is it a serious case of lhassapoo?

    Can you only afford chi-poo?

    Have you ever had to jackapoo, perhaps with your cocka-poo?

    When you try too hard, is it a shar-poo?

    Or do you have delicate pinni-poos?

    Does you mommy criticize your papipoo?

    Do you have bossi-poos?

    Are you the kind of coworker who has a poo-chin?

    Are you shy and prefer to pekepoo?

    Do you sometimes try to hold it too long and find that laughing causes an eskapoo?

    Or are you a proud person who embraces their poo-ton?

Go ahead and look them up. They’re real.

And people think having a dog named River because he pees a lot is nasty. At least he’s a pee-vert and not a poo-vert.

8 comments:

Debbie said...

Check out this list on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poodle_hybrid
I love the Bicha-poo - I know some of those!
And how on earth do you make a St. Berdodle?

Leelu said...

"And how on earth do you make a St. Berdodle?"

Very carefully.

Happy Villain said...

And with aids.

Shy said...

I believe in the magical dollars. I was completely broke in college, no money even for lunch, when I found $5 right in front of the student union. I still remember how fabulous that muffin tasted - with enough money left over for a McDonald's cheeseburger after class!

Leelu said...

With AIDS? You cruel, cruel woman.

I had magical money to get married with. Lummox got out his jacket and found $50 in the pocket—just what we needed to pay the JP.

Anonymous said...

A mutt, is a mutt, is a mutt. I am owned by a Pointer/Lab, an Alsatian, and a Shar-Pei with pointy ears, which are not standard but keep her from getting ear crud. I love all three of them like crazy--one was rescued from a crack addict, another given up by a servicemen, and the third I just lucked into. None of them are pocket size with 'Poo' names--they are all proper, butt sniffing dogs. (Not my butt, usually, just each others butts)

Kate P said...

I have a friend who maintains that "money comes in the mail." And often it does for me, just in time.

The "poo list" cracks me up. You are in the perfect frame of mind for a great vacation!

Travelin' Tracy said...

Joe and I just took the all too expensive vacation..but if we end up going home early, because this experience has become too much for him then we will be in a very poor state. So I am enjoying while I can, you know? I also liked the poo list...you think like my husband!