I Need a Vacation

Patron: Do you have a phone book? I need the Yellow Pages one with the White Pages in it.

Me: Sure.

I handed it to him.

He began thumbing through it.

Patron: Which ones are the White Pages?

Me: The...[pause to see if he's joking] ones... [still waiting] that are white.

Patron: Oh, okay.

Me: *blink* *blink, blink* *look around to see if I was just set up* *blink, blink*

* * *

Today, Arms totally got me!

All night he'd been walking by and asking if we were okay and if we needed anything. I tend to state that I need a nap, a frozen strawberry daiquiri or something else he consistently refuses to give me. He thinks I'm making a bad joke, but I'm dead serious. It's pissing me off. He's not bringing me anything.

At the end of the night, he swept past the desk.

Arms: Do you ladies need anything?

Me: No, but I think the more important question is, what can WE do for YOU?

Arms: I need you to not say that again to your security!

I was puzzled, said okay, and furrowed my brow.

Arms: Well, you can say it, but don't say it in THAT WAY again!

My coworker busted out laughing, and I sat there trying hard to figure out how I had offended him. It was really bothering me. And it wasn't until I noticed my coworker had turned bright red that I realized something dirty was said, and it was said by me.

UNINTENTIONALLY!

He walked away cracking up and I sat there red-faced.

Arms is my new nemesis.