Sky Breaks

Last week the director was in Washington, D.C., and today was his first day back to work, so when the library closed and I was on my way out, I stopped at his office to see how his trip was.

The lights were on and his personal effects were still sprawled all about, so I knew he was still in the building.

I asked a coworker, “Have you seen the director? Is he off directing someone?”

My coworker responded, “He’s outside checking out the sky.”

I found this curious.

“He’s checking out the sky? Is there a good sunset or something?”

She just shrugged.

I continued, “Soooooo, he just decided to go outside and stare at the sky? Like, a sky break or something?”

She didn’t answer, but she looked at me like I was speaking another language.

On I went.

“Well, it’s good to know we can just go outside and stare at the sky when we need to. If the guy who’s in charge of everything takes sky breaks then no one will miss me if I take a sky break.”

She continued staring at me, this time with a blank stare, like she’d given up trying to understand what I was saying.

Honestly, I was starting to think she might have some kind of mental disability, the way she was looking at me. It was a joke, and even if you don’t find it funny, staring blankly at someone who is making a joke is really unnerving.

Quickly, I turned around and sought Christi for some humanity.

We walked out the back door together and found the director outside with our security guy, who will heretofore be referred to as Sergeant. (He was in the Army for a long time and I have no idea what his rank was, but Sergeant rolls off the tongue nicely. Sergeant is not to be confused with Arms, our other security guard and my nemesis.)

My first reaction was to look up to see if there was a cool sunset, but no, there wasn’t much to be seen.

Me: So, I was looking for you and someone said you were out here checking out the sky. And, lo and behold, you are!

Director: Heh, you know that Jimi Hendrix song with the lyrics “Excuse me while I kiss the sky”?

Me: No, I thought it was, “Excuse me while I kiss this guy”.

I thought I was being funny. I thought I was making a joke.

Little did I know, I was the joke.

Director: Exactly. That’s exactly what just happened.

Me: Huh?

Director: I’m out here checking out this guy, not the sky.

Sergeant looked at me and snickered, not because I just became a misheard lyrics joke, but because the director said he was checking out a guy.

Director: No, I’m not checking him out. I’m watching him.

Again, Sergeant looked at me and laughed.

Me: What are you watching him doooooooooo?

Director: He’s cleaning his car.

Me: Is that a euphemism?

Director: Yeah, he’s totally getting his car washed.

Me: And you’re checking him out?

Sergeant and I were cracking up at that point.

Director: Aw, jeeze, that’s worse! It doesn’t get much worse than checking him out while he’s getting his car washed.

Sergeant: Yeah it does. It could be a lot worse.

Director: Okay, I guess it could.

Sergeant: It could be you watching him and another guy washing his car.

Me: Woooooh!

We were all laughing heartily at that point.

Yes, I’m definitely going to need a sky break everyday now.