Bite Me

While hanging out with a friend last night, we watched his two dogs wrestling on the floor. They’d been going at it for an hour, and try as we might to comprehend the premise of the game they were playing, it seemed to just be about biting one another, taking turns. He dubbed the game Bite Me.

Mimicking what sounded like his dog’s human voice would be, he said, “I’m gonna bite your face.”

I giggled.

He continued, “I’m gonna bite your ear.”

And onward, “I’m gonna bite your leg. I’m gonna bite your tail.”

I said, “That sounds like a blues song.”

So, he started playing his guitar in a bluesy way.

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “I’m gonna bite your butt.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “Chomp-chomp. Chomp-chomp.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “I’m gonna bite your butt.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “Chomp-chomp. Chomp-chomp.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “I bit your butt.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “And I’m gon’ do it again.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “Chomp-chomp. Chomp-chomp.”

Duh-NUH-nuh-NUH. “I’m gonna bite your butt.”

I was in hysterics.

Today he called the library to find out how late we were open, punched an extension thinking he’d get me, and he thought the woman who answered was me. But she wasn’t.

He said to her, “Chomp-chomp. Chomp-chomp. I’m gonna bite your butt.”

She later told me that her thought was, well, clearly that’s not a call for me, so she transferred it to Arms at the security extension.

My friend thought she hung up on him and realized it wasn’t me who answered the phone.

I got an unexplained text saying, “Oops, that wasn’t you.” He later came in and told me what happened, so I went looking for the person who answered the phone and after a hearty laugh, explained the song and the dogs play fighting on the floor. It seemed to amuse her, but maybe she was just a little bit disappointed that a strange man hadn’t called to let her know he wanted to bite her butt.