Friday, December 17, 2010

Sorry For the Absence

Am lost. Am destroyed. Cannot write. Cannot sleep. Cannot eat. Have lost too much this year and can just barely breathe.

Am trying to keep breathing.

Am trying to survive.

This has been the absolute worst year of my life.

Trying to fight my way out of this. Trying to fake it 'til I make it. Trying to find a ray of hope in all the despair.

Want to fix so many things I messed up, but it's impossible. Don't like myself at all right now.

Will return when I get a grip. Humble apologies.

19 comments:

Mary Beth Sancomb-Moran said...

**hug**

Hang in there. Remember that you're loved and appreciated.

Catazon said...

I was thinking about you this morning, realizing I hadn't seen a post in a while. I don't comment at all and I don't know you personally and you might think it's crazy a perfect stranger was thinking about you, but I enjoy reading about your adventures in the public library and rejoice that I have never had to work in one. I hope everything gets back to "normal" soon.

ChiLibrarian said...

I'm thinking of you and wishing that you'll be feeling at least a little hopeful very soon. Take care of yourself as best you can moment to moment. I wish I had magic words of encouragement, but they all seem insufficient.

"Perhaps I am stronger than I think."
Thomas Merton

russ said...

What they said. Hang in there. Love your blog. Don't write too much (if at all). Hang tight, slow down and remember to breathe.

Mary Ellen said...

***hug*** Hang in there. This total stranger thinks you're pretty damned awesome.

GeekChic said...

Hey HV. Sorry life sucks for you at the moment. I hope things look brighter for you soon. If you want to talk - you've got my email.

Pixie the dog said...

I remember you going through a really bad patch a few years ago and how worried I got. Feeling equally concerned. Please don't isolate yourself but let someone help you through this, whether it's one of us "strangers" or one of your in-person friends.

Cat. said...

Oh, dear. Remember, you are loved by many of us, your readers, and by those with whom you work and live.

I couldn't help but see your portrait of Doggie Extraordinaire as I found the comment link, so here's something to hold onto: “Lord, help me to see myself the way my dog sees me.” That dog of yours is no dummy--he knows you're the best H.V. there is!

{{{o}}}

Cielle said...

No bad thing is forever. Some mistakes just can't be fixed. Let the good in you (and it's evident to the rest of us, even if you have trouble seeing it right now)move you forward into a brighter future.

BeckEye said...

I know how you feel. I remember 2006 was my worst year ever, and I didn't think things would ever get better, but they did. HANG IN THERE!

Edward Shaddow said...

2010 has been the worst year for most of the people I know (myself included); let's hope the next trip around the sun brings a brighter future :)

Manda said...

Just wishing you the best. Take the time you need for yourself. You will always have loyal readers here, checking in from time to time. I do hope things turn around soon for you.

PaintingChef said...

Sending you love and wishes for warm and healing thoughts. I so hope that the next year is a better one for you. You deserve so many good things.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. I send you sympathy and solidarity - 2010 has not been my best year either (antidepressants are my friends).

Here's hoping that things look up in 2011 for us and everyone else who is struggling.

Love, Jane in Edmonton

Anonymous said...

Do what you have to. Write when you can. We miss you, we'll manage.
Here's a hug from me. When things feel bad, remind yourself that your fans out here are rooting for you.

Sending good thoughts,

Mary

Kate P said...

So very sorry to hear. May some peace come your way soon.

Anonymous said...

It's been a terrible year for so many. Firings at my library, patrons who soak me with tears since they've lost jobs,two of my favorite patrons succumbed to their despair and committed suicide leaving us numb. You're one of the bright places for me when I just want to give up with budget cuts, crazy patrons and psycho co-workers. I re-read your older stuff using wayback--it makes me laugh, snort and continue. We've never met but your blog, your creation, makes me feel less alone. Prayers for you and yours-best wishes always.

Allison said...

May peace find you again, my friend...my thoughts are with you.

Allison in Kankakee, IL

Bobby said...

Miss ya. hope 2011 is WAYYY better. I emailed you my fbook name. Contact me.